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My hips were useless at providing any level of thrust at the angle they were asked. The instructional website the company provides says that once the Balldo is inserted, “light thrusting” is possible, which, as marketing overstatements go, is right up there with Red Bull promising the power of flight. You see—and I am addressing the creators of the Balldo when I say “you” here—inserting any kind of phallus into any kind of orifice requires some amount of force or leverage. We use our hips, our core, our arms, etc. to provide the force necessary to perform the penetrative sex that the Balldo is so hyperfixated on. It was fascinating to hold the Balldo in my hand and feel not excitement or even curiosity, but an intellectual challenge.

The sex may be real—almost always, the sex involves real contact and often real orgasm—but the practices and ways of performing those acts are chosen largely based on what looks good on camera. Scissoring, specifically, involves a lot of effort for a low amount of physical pleasure. And grab huge savings on our best-selling pleasure products while the stock lasts. Our adult store certainly is not the biggest, but it’s definitely the best.

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In the pursuit of the best sex toys for men, women, couples, and beyond, I’ve had the immense joy of testing a variety of gadgets at various price points. Not all of them live up to their steep price tags, certainly, but a great many do. And the ones that are worth the money offer a range of perks, from waterproof models that you can take for a dip in the tub to full-on sex machines that you can program to penetrate you with their robotic arms. Below, read up on all the best luxury sex toys for next-level orgasms, according to moi and a handful of horny sex experts.

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